I wish I could teleport
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
