you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
