You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
