He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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