This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
