Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
