I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
