She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
