I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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