We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
