party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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