Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
