Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
