Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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