Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
