I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
