a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
