If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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