We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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