So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
