i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
