Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
