Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
