i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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