Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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