soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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