So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
