New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
