Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
