I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
