that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
