I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love accidental penises.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
