the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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