Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
