i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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