When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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