I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
