Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
