Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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