A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
