I think I died a long time ago.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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