I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
