Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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