Just fell off a train. Bad.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
