I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
