I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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