Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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