I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
