and you said cock pushups were impossible
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
