$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
did you just send me my own nude
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
