I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cannot find my penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
