don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
