The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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