I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
being pregnant is like rehab
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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